Me
bio
The Place
This was the original outlet and tiny creative space. Now it’s only for the few select people who know about this place…
more?
Smiles
Frowns
Disclaimer
My diary, my space, my rights. Don't like what you see? Feel free to hit that little X up there. Thanks.
Meteor Showers
...written on 2003-04-20, @ 11:45 p.m.
i'm trying.
really
- you're just a novelty.
i'll get over this feeling
of longing.
just if only -
i could.
i would.
but -
it's been so long,
since i've had someone listen to my songs -
and then you came along.
but really -
you're just a novelty.
i try to tell myself repeatedly -
i'll be okay. . .
i still can't love anybody else
but me.
*ow.* the pangs of wanting something so much - and yet nothing at all at poking me in all the wrong places inside my ribcage.
of course - the pain isn't really physical. i'm just trying to deal. yeah. i'm trying really really hard to handle this well . . . why? I don't know - I suppose it's because when I look back on everything - I keep running. I always end up running. From a different city - to a different lover. And it's great! It's great at first. . . . but there is still always that somewhat empty void I have yet to fill.
And I know there's no one else out there that can save me from myself.
"Every man I know wants to rescue me - I can't figure out what from."
- Mae West.
Sometimes, I think - this self destructive behavior will end . . . . one of these days, only if I self-impose it though. . . . but I'm in no hurry. I'm only twenty - one.
So why does it feel so lonely?
I can't rationalize it. This bothers me a great deal. Ergf. I think - the notion of being all alone in the fall is scaring me. No safety net - no lackey boy to fall back on.
And its at times like these, I wish I wasn't an only child.
But I'll cry a little. And I'll smoke a little. And I'll get drunk a little. And I'll be okay.
Yeah, just another day.
" what do you get when you kiss a guy / you get enough germs / to catch pneumonia / after you do / he'll never phone you / i'll / never fall in love again . . . / i'll / never fall in love again
don't tell me what its all about / cuz' i've been there and i'm glad i'm out / out of those chains / chains that bind you / and that is why / i'm here to remind you
what do you get / when you need a guy / you get enough tears / to fill an ocean / that's what you get / for your devotion / i'll / never fall in love again . . . / i'll never fall in love again . . . .
- Emma (Meteor Garden soundtrack)