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...written on 2003-05-27, @ 5:12 a.m.
and its a nice feeling that lingers.
its not like anything has to be said, but its just that good feeling that you get inside your tummy, and you just smile a lot. yeah.
i like it like this. this is a good thing i've got going. (so far). and sometimes - it takes a while to get things settled into place. it's taken me many tries to figure out what i want when it comes to being "not so single" - and i must say - i like freedom.
close enough - yet far away. and when you hang out - its just like going out with friends. none of that emotional roller coaster bullshit, with the over possesive jealousy, and fearing that your words might seem like shards of broken glass.
that was just too emotionally intense for me. and its also nice not having to pick up the phone every single day dreading what you might have to say. (or thinking that you might not have anything to say. . . )
and none of that "predicting for the future" - thank god. but sometimes its nice when you're feeling a smidgen girly . . . and it goes a little something like this :
Crushboy : So yeah, one of my dreamjobs is to be a house-husband.
Me: (hmmm) Really now?
Crushboy : Yeah, I'd get to stay home, be with the kids and you know - she comes home, and wants some - I'd give her some . . .
Me: *laughs* Hey! That's great! I HATE housework! And my dream is to pursue my career. I always wanted two men in my life - one to cook and one to clean!
Crushboy : (gives me the evil eye) Yeah, I like ironing. I find it theraputic.
Me : So . . . uhm . . yeah, you know - we wouldn't have to get married, but if we're still talking by the time I'm Doctor Jackie - and if you'd be interested - I'd most definitely give you a call. Oh, I'd also pay you really well too!
Crushboy : So do we still get to have sex?
-_-'
And in so many ways - it's different this time around. Which is a good thing - I like making new mistakes, or stumbling across new solutions . . . . and deep down, I think I fear losing him as a friend the most. Either way - miss kiki is a pretty content kitty. and like the song goes . . . "que sera sera / whatever will be will be / the future's not ours to see / que sera sera"