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charlie brown down . . .
...written on 2003-11-08, @ 1:50 a.m.
For some strange reason . . . they keep playing old nostalgic songs on the radio . . . and for another strange reason . . . I can't seem to bring my finger to change the channel at times when I'm driving . . .
whether it be when I'm alone or when I have a passenger in the car with me . . . i wonder if i start acting strange when one of those "songs" comes on the air . . .
i guess, it will always hurt a little bit when i hear them . . . and think back on those times . . .
and somehow, i wonder if i haven't taken off enough time to heal just yet? i haven't consulted anybody (not even Crushboy) . . . it's just one of those things where you kind of wonder . . .
they say time is good for the soul . . .
only i wonder how much time is good enough . . . mine was about 9 months . . . is that enough to heal a broken heart?
funny thing is - i was the one who broke it . . . i'm not sure i've ever actually learned my lesson . . . so this book tells me . . . i seem to keep running away and so it's just like i'm buying in for another round for the same cheap thrills . . .
yeah, i've never actually been dumped before. . . . like actually dumped dumped do you know what i mean?
i'm not sure if its what i feel as if i'm lacking in life . . .
i think its more like i'm just wondering about things
and it scares me that i'm wondering about these things . . . things i'm not "supposed" to be wondering about . . . .
i think its the goddamn hormones that come with that yucky icky feeling of AF looming upon me . . .
and i see and talk to all these kids at school . . . and i just have to stare at them and wonder how they are so definite about what they want . . . how do they know?
i wish i didn't have charlie brown syndrome so much.