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This was the original outlet and tiny creative space. Now it’s only for the few select people who know about this place…
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My diary, my space, my rights. Don't like what you see? Feel free to hit that little X up there. Thanks.
i hang around . . .
...written on 2004-07-12, @ 12:21 a.m.
You don't bother me much anymore. I hate to tell you so, I'm not frantically checking my phone anymore - I hate to say so, but I'm not.
And I'm not waiting for your messages anymore, I guess I kind of lied when I said that I still wanted you around.
When you asked me if you were still "in" . . . I think I knew then that I didn't care anymore, wasn't infatuated anymore, wasn't looking foward to seeing your face anymore.
I'm not sure really what I want from you.
I think I'll keep you around for entertainment purposes.
Know what?
I think, you're just too young for me, too carefree and uninhibited for me.
I want something that you don't have, something you can't give me - and that's just too bad.
I'm not one to change people either. I hate it so. I don't like to change people, if people were meant to be - then they were meant to be. fatalistic isn't it?
Tell you what . . . . it's nice to see your pretty face, but I think it's just for aesthetic purposes.
kind of like these lyrics :
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i'm lying to myself i know.
but . . . well, at least i had to get those words out.
i think - it's a matter of convincing myself first. I guess my mother was right, she said to me I'll grow up a LOT when I turn 23. . . . I think, the small melodrama doesn't bother me much anymore - only if I want to act like it does, there are bigger things in life. Things that matter more when you get out of collge and not stupid things like parties or girls or boys or things like that.
I don't know, maybe I've just been hanging around with the wrong crowd?