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i'm just a girl
...written on 2004-07-26, @ 1:27 p.m.
I hate.
This.
I hate uncertainty. I hate uncertainty more than I hate not getting what I want.
alright, I'll admit it. I'm breaking all the rules this time around, and I hate just feeling, just knowing that I'm more than vulnerable.
I shut myself away, from the world this weekend, because I knew if I felt another touch after Saturday morning - I would break into a million tiny pieces.
I hate feeling like a giddy little girl, but on the other hand, I don't mind it. I don't know why, but I'm just okay with it this time around.
I don't usually behave this way, not that I know of - not that my friends know of either.
I used to be a very bad girl.
I used to always settle. Always. And now . . . I've just gotten a little taste of what it's like to not have to settle . . .
and I don't want to go back.
I said that I'd never be this way, I said before that I'd never put myself in a situation where I'd be vulnerable and I'd end up breaking.
But . . . when you meet someone and all those things go right out the window, well? How do you explain that?
They say, girls are always trying to change guys - and guys just want girls to be who they are, they don't like change.
well . . . maybe we change, because we're living breathing feeling creatures of emotion.
OH FUCK!? What a bunch of bullshit. . . . I keep trying to tell myself "get it the fuck together girl!"
But all I can think of is . . . . . . . . .
alright - I confess, I might say things so that I seem all cold and tough on the outside, but I guess the way I act could be the total opposite.
I think I said some things that could be interpreted the wrong way, and whenever other people are around, i definitely act a lot tougher than I actually am.
you know, put on a brave face and act all cool and uncaring.
but i'll tell you a secret. . . . i hurt too.
afterall, i'm just a girl. girls cry you know? and i'm no different.