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a newness of sorts?
...written on 2005-07-06, @ 3:59 p.m.
It's funny how the way things work out in my life.
Last night, I found it highly ironic we met almost a year ago at that exact same location. Except last year - I think I might have fallen for you . . .
Fast foward one year later . . .
You're lying on my lap giving me shit for sleeping with your good friend, and you turned to me and said "We both love each other and that's all that matters."
I guess.
I don't love anyone. Just like the Belle and Sebastian song.
When I listen to the Smiths, I think about us . . .
I honestly miss the summers in LA, the drives out there and the plane rides every other month. But . . . this just isn't what I want.
You just didn't say what I wanted to hear.
And I'm sorry that you only wanted to change your mind after I said goodbye, but that was just a little too little, a little too late.
I would have to say that my life at the moment . . . I've been completely ASEXUAL. As in, no attraction - no major attraction . . . but I think I'm just getting to know myself better and getting much pickier as I go along.
Which is a good thing I suppose.
I met a boy on the 4th of July,
he initially caught my eye as being quiet and shy . . .
and on the balcony as I slowly inched over closer to him . . . we made small talk. . .
but what I found most adorably endearing was the fact that he went to change into his swim shorts after we all left for the pool, unlike the other boys - standing around shirtless and what not. . .
And as JG came into see me yesterday at the coffee shop, I told him - I've already started to try and find faults with this boy . . .
Like he's younger than I am, like his name being the same as one of my ex's . . . blah blah blah. . .
I've seriously got fucked up issues in the head yo.