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a simple tale of maladies . . .
...written on 2005-12-05, @ 10:52 p.m.
I'm so sorry I have to be this way,
I'm just a fickle girl, with my fickle parlays,
I really thought I could come across clean, but in reality -
i'm really just mean...
and i'm not sorry, one bit at all -
that I lied and cheated and I wanted to see you fall,
but in the end, your tears did me no good,
I said goodbye,
and disappeared into the woods.
Ahh yes, the sweet knowledge of the fact that I work at a law firm and my bosses actually KNOW that I lie, completely straight faced, and that even THEY lie - right in front of me.
Not like - BIG HUGE lies, just more like little white lies to keep the clients at bay (while I fend them off!)
Speaking of which, yeah I was thinking over it - and OF COURSE IT FUCKING BOTHERS ME!
*This is why I vent on these goddamn things, cuz' my friends know me well enough to read this shit*
Case in point - my ex boyfriend is dating my very good friend - it's not the fact that they're dating that bothers me, its the fact that I just found out.
SIX MONTHS LATER.
(Now, not to be egomaniacal, but at the rate that I can hook people up, it's just as well that I found out THIS way instead of getting an envelope in the mail saying "You're invited to our wedding!")
*Yes, I make a very good matchmaker if I do say so myself.*
Anyway - being the narcissist that I am, it's not that I'm pissed off about it, it's just that I felt so goddamn bad about telling the ex that I was falling "in love" - with about a gazillion other people!?!?
Not that it was wrong no? But I thought it was like some sort of curteousy that since I dumped him, I shouldn't be dating before him?
(*Minus the fact that he didn't know that I cheated on him, just about a million times when I WAS going out with him . . . but yeah, I just like to over look that. . . )
And either way, I just thought that I would deserve better than that -
and apparently I do.
THIS boy. . . I just don't know . . . he completely defies all of my "qualifications" - but he makes me laugh, and is just one of those old fashioned types of boys who believes in romancing and wining and dining the girl.
I suppose it helps that he's in town, and he's a sweetheart about driving me around, and I guess it's something about presents too - ooh! Presents I like presents! Presents for no reason at all!
I think the kicker is - he calls me beautiful...
every night before bedtime.